My New Favorite Word

Yes ladies and gentlemen, as I make my way through post-menopause and my mind grows ever feebler, I seem to have a new favorite word. The word is....THING. That's right, this generic all-purpose word finds its way into my conversations several times each day. It seems I have trouble remembering simple words these days, simple names of everyday objects so I find myself saying stuff like "The scotch tape? It's right over there right next to the...the..THING." Or, "Honey, would you hand me that...that...oh you know, that THING." Fortunately, after being with me oh these many years, my husband seems to know what I'm talking about most of the time so it has not been a major obstacle in our marriage. We tend to read each other's minds a lot anyhow, so things could be worse.

Oddly enough, this very habit of calling things "THINGS" is something that used to irritate the heck out of me when my mother or mother-in-law used to do it. I would think "Come on, surely you know the name of that thing. Just say it. This is so irritating." I am SO glad that I never gave voice to these thoughts because I'd be feeling terrible about it right now. Here I am perpetrating the very same offense, and now I understand completely what they were going through. They didn't enjoy being THING-speaking women any more than I do, but it couldn't be helped.

I'm noticing other traits I've developed that also used to irritate me about other people. Older people. I wham my shoulder into doorways and stub my toe on large obvious objects, and whack my knuckles on drawers. How clumsy! Why don't I watch what I'm doing? The thing is, I used to have grace, I used to be nimble, I used to NOT have to watch my hands every second while performing mundane tasks to make sure they didn't suddenly fly helter skelter into a sharp-edged object. And to add insult to injury, when I do get scrapes, bruises and scabs from these little moments of uncontrollable clumsiness, my skin doesn't heal as quickly as it used to. In fact, it sometimes takes WEEKS for a bruise to go away, and I STILL have a red spot on my shin from three months ago when I banged it on the shower door track simply stepping over the edge of the tub to get into the shower. That scar is there to stay I know it. I even put Aloe on it and everything. Nothing helps. I was thinking of getting some of that stuff they advertise that's supposed to get rid of scars. You know that stuff. What the heck is it called?

So I'm bruised and battered and stupid. So what? Who cares? What's the difference? What was I talking about?