Notes from Home

I talked to my sister on Thanksgiving (she's up North, I'm down South) and caught up with what was going on with her family. It was great talking with her. Then she told me she was going to get up at 5 AM the next day, and head to Wal Mart for a TV set she had seen in their flyer. You know, one of those day-after-thanksgiving "door buster" specials. Seems she and her husband re-did their den and found that the 13-inch TV they'd been using was just too small. She had found a 19-inch LCD HDTV in the Wal Mart flyer for $198. A bargain to be sure. Although "black friday" is not something she has ever gotten involved in before, she decided this would be worth it. And Wal Mart is right up the street. The following is the email she sent me that day, after I left a message on her answering machine asking if she was successful in getting the TV. I just love this, and had to share!


So. I get up at 4:15, have a cup of coffee, browse the ad again and find a few more amazing deals to buy (I'm feeling compelled to buy anything I might remotely want someday because this deal ends at 11am and this is my last chance in my entire life to buy this...thing). Somehow it feels that way. In retrospect I can see that early bird specials bring on a special brand of insanity. Anyway, I wake up Katie and soon we're out the door. At 5:20. Which seems frightfully early to me, to be going to Walmart, shopping. Uh uh. That was actually LATE, apparently. To my horror the parking lot was full and there was a stream of cars LEAVING already. Driving through the parking lot was an obstacle course full of running shoppers. Running right to Walmart's front door. Looking tense. Conversely the post-shoppers are leisurely strolling to their cars with their loaded carts and looking very smug.
After parking some distance away, we find ourselves, oh, scurrying a bit. But INSIDE the store is where the real terror begins. I have never seen so many people in one store. And unfortunately they all have shopping carts, and unfortunately I do too. Getting from point A to point B is unlike the everyday experience. It's really more like using the expressway. There are on ramps and off ramps and you have to watch for your opening, slip in, and by gosh you'd better go with the flow of traffic. I didn't personally see any incidents of aisle rage today, but the potential was there without a doubt. OK, I'll cut to the chase. I got the last TV. There it was, sitting right in the middle of the aisle all alone, and I just picked it up and put it in my cart. Ha. I beat the system. I was NOT sitting in the parking lot at 3:00 am.
I was not standing in a line outside the door in 30 degree weather at 4:00 am. I wasn't even crowding in the door at 5:00 am. I walked in a full half hour late and I got my trophy. I wasn't able to get many of the miscellaneous items that I can't live without because pausing to look for them is considered rubbernecking and I just couldn't see them from the expressway. Getting on to the side streets was even worse, so we decided it was time to pay up and go home. Success! A trying experience to be sure, but worth it. Well, it would have been if we had kept the TV. It was a little small for the room...........
Thanks for asking.
Vic

Life As Route 301

Wow. It's been WAY too long since I've written anything. I've probably lost all my loyal fans by now. (yuk yuk)

It occurred to me while traveling back to Florida from the great North East a few weeks ago, that life should be more like route 301. Route 301 in Florida runs in close parallel with big old Route 75, which is the major highway running the length of Florida. Little old 301 is the old road, kind of like the legendary Route 66 used to be. It used to be THE road to travel north and south in Florida, the way 66 used to be THE road to travel West across the country. Now little old 301 is largely a trip back in time. The same tacky fruit and souvenir stands I remember from our trips down here when I was five are still there. I don't think the signs have even been painted since then. Sure, there are some Burger Kings and CVS stores now along the more populated areas, but it's still Old Florida for much of the way. And there is some really nice countryside along the way. Beautiful scenery and gorgeous thoroughbred horse farms. But that's not even why I think life should be more like route 301. It's the speed traps.


If you get a Trip Tik from AAA to take you from Southern Florida to anywhere in the North, they won't even plot your course along 301 in North Florida. The green highlighter pen veers off course to the west and takes you about 100 miles out of the way just to stay on 75 and avoid that section of 301, which, if you look at the map, is obviously the most direct way to route 95, where you want to be. You look at your Trip Tik and say, "Hey, how come you got me going so far away from that direct route there?" And the nice lady answers something like, "Oh, you don't want to go that way." You wonder if this is where the scary movie music would begin. Whatever you do, stay away from route 301! So you think, I'll bite, and you ask why. Two words. "Speed traps."(Scary movie music goes chung chung!)


And they ain't kiddin. Along this 60 mile stretch of old Florida road we got us some speed traps. In fact (and this is the truth) there are huge billboards advertising the speed traps ahead. This ain't no sneaky Don Knots hiding behind a bush hoping to catch you unawares. They want you to KNOW. You WILL slow down going through our fair towns. Don't want no fancy pants Yankee in a red Corvette tearing it up through Starke or Lawtey or Waldo. We got women and children that live along these roads. You WILL respect our safety and you WILL follow our speed limit. And they got the manpower to git 'er done. Law enforcement must be the number one career choice around there.


And here's the thing. Everyone DOES follow the speed limits. I mean big burley truckers start lowering those gears at the first speed limit sign in every town. Fancy pants Yankees in red Corvettes shed their bravado as they crawl through town at exactly 30 mph, next to the guy in a battered '68 Ford pickup. Pride has no place here. Arrogance will cost you money. You obey or you pay. Simple.

And that's why I think life should be more like route 301. Everybody knows the rules, we all get fair warning, and everybody does what they're supposed to. I like that idea. And we get to see some really nice scenery along the way.