Some of you faithful blog followers may remember past seasons when Dad attempted such mundane methods as the fake owl and the aluminum pans, then progressed to the radio wedged in the branches, blaring rock music (he reasoned that none of God’s creation could stand rock music, so surely this would be a deterrent), and finally the tee pee net over the whole tree. None worked. Not even the tee pee. Apparently there was still a small opening at the top where the wily winged creatures found entrance. Unfortunately, they were not wily enough to find the same exit, which left one of them trapped inside, flapping around like crazy and probably saying a few swear words himself.
He has been threatening of late to hack off the top branches, making the tree small enough to cover it with one huge net, which he would gather at the trunk. He figures this is the only fool-proof method. He hates those birds. They are his arch nemesis. He will win.
So the other day he yelled from the bottom of the stairs, “Well, wish me luck.” This was not a good sign. I said, “Wish you luck for what?” He said, “I’m going to cut off the top of that cherry tree.” Oh boy.
He’d finally had it. He’d gone out to take a look at the tree and about half a dozen birds with cherries in their beaks high-tailed it out of there when they saw him coming. He couldn’t stand it.
Well, I had to see this. (Did I mention that Dad is 94 now?) So I followed him out there and helped him get the ladder in place. Then watched in awe as he began sawing away at one branch after another, lopping them off with grim determination. Not a power saw, mind you, but an ordinary hand saw. He did this with relative ease. Hack off branch; branch falls….hack off another branch; branch falls……. move ladder, and repeat. My part was to haul away the branches as they hit the ground.
So that was one good afternoon’s work. The next day was the real trial. Time to deal with THE NET.
I don’t have the time, space, or patience to relate the whole story here. It involved duct-taping together two 30-foot panels of netting. (The ‘sewing them together with nylon thread’ was a disaster.) You cannot imagine the patience and endurance it takes to perform this task while bending over a picnic table to work on it. Let us just say we’re talking hours, not minutes, after which I could fully appreciate the phrase, “oh my aching back”. But we got it done, and heartily shook hands in congratulatory triumph.
By now I am INVESTED in this project. There is no stopping. We will now GET THIS 30 x 30 FOOT GIANT NET OVER THAT TREE! I asked him how we were going to do that. He said, “Well…….I’ve been thinking about that.”
You’ve been THINKING ABOUT THAT??? You don’t KNOW???
Once again, I don’t have the time, patience, space, or legal acumen to fight the censorship if I quoted all the bad words spewing from both of us as we attempted to actually get the net over the tree. It is a disastrous story, a horrible tale of sweating and swearing and finally admitting defeat as we stood staring slack-jawed at the tangled mess of net caught hopelessly in every twig and branch of that stupid tree. We sadly but resignedly quoted the Serenity Prayer as we stood stoop-shouldered beneath the beloved cherry tree..”God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Dad said it was time to have the wisdom to know when we were licked. It was a sad day. Then he said, “Well, there’s only one thing left to do. I’m gonna chop down that tree. If I can’t have those cherries, the damn birds aren’t gonna have them either!”
I’ll let you know how that goes.
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